past present future

so what does one do when there you know something may not be your best scenario is something you want for the future?  it may not be healthy, but is something you think you want.

what does one do when there's something new and shiny that seem it would be heathly and good and yet still, the unhealthy still pulls at you

what does one do when total messed up from the past freight trains into the present and wants to be part of the future.

I think it's time for a nap.

missing.

how is it possible to miss something so much - when it was never had?

metallica filmore week!

home. unpacked. laundry done. *head drops...* work tomorrow.

i cant believe how incredibly fast the week went. seriously flew by. and other than alcatraz with debbie on saturday - i didnt sight-see a single thing! slept and stood and roooooocked! truely was one of the best weeks of my life. knowing how they are - im sure they'll either do a 'best of' dvd or a four-pack or something. BUY it. YouTube it... something. there were some amazing things that happened.

most people headed down to start a line between 4 and 5pm - some 4am - others right at 6:30 when the doors opened. standing in line you met sooo many people - from all over the globe. it was crazy where everyone was from and how far they had traveled - some without tickets hoping to score a chance to be someones +1 for the evening. there was a lot of ".... where have we me before??" going on - and lord knows you had the time to stand there and figure it out. Once that line started moving - *WHAM-O!* you were searched, ticketed, stamped and claiming your spot for the evenings festivities. Apart from wednesday night, the crowd was pretty calm. a pit here and there, but thats to be expected trying to squeeze your way up front. The crowd was overall cool - they'd expand to save your spot if you had to go to the restroom, grab a beverage, catch a smoke or just find a spot to relieve your feet for two seconds.

I had never been to the filmore, but from what i could tell - and i stood just about everywhere in the venue - not a bad spot in the house. balcony uptop for the VIPs, sound and lights in the back. Upstairs across from the VIP section, they had the metallica museum. total craziness. lars' kit from the black album tour, james' burnt guitar, doris' head, pushead art, cliffs bass was something that was added later in the week - amazing! hopefully theres a full set of pictures somewhere because it was really neat. sound was great!

Each night started out with the soul rebel brass band. always good to rock out with. then the boys came out and said a quick hello - introduced jim breuer and the night was rollin' from there. Trivia contests - jeopardy style, Name-That-Rif game... quite amusing. Both were hosted by jim - who got funnier by the night. Each night there were cliff stories. funny - emotional - crazy - great! Ray Burton, cliffs dad came out on monday night, scott ian and kirk one night, James and jim martin told some, and rob talked about the inspiration. After all the heartfelt yammering - opening band. Apocalyptica (monday), Armored Saint (wednesday), Laaz Rockit (friday), Death Angel (saturday). Monday was by far the best. the apocalyptica guys - holy hell.... AMAZING! I've always liked armored saint, so that was great to see as well. Death Angel I had never listened to - but enjoyed their show. Laaz Rockit - never heard of, never want to hear again. only once have i ever seen a metallica crowd so unwelcoming and uninterested in an opening band of my 70+ shows.

Once the opening bands were done, the metallica guys strolled out, sometimes still half dressed for the evening, finishing their banana, adjusting a belt, etc. There was no 'lights fade down' or ecstasy of gold.... they talked a second, cracked a joke, did a quick jab and then they went to work. First song each night was an instrumental. really enjoyed that. Ktulu (mon), to live is to die (wed), suicide & redemption (fri) and orion (sat). suicide was a little rough for the first few minutes - which they joked about on saturday and played the first minute or so again, which received a chuckle from the crowd.

The setlist was completely different each night except for the last song (seek and destroy). That was a treat for us fans who were there for each night - but i can't imagin how much preparation it had to have been for them. Thats a lot of songs - some which haven't been played for years - if ever. Kirk had some notes on a music stand, and james some lyrics via the vox box - and can't say i'd not have to do the same thing! There was one new song that was overstock from death magnetic played each night which was very cool to hear. Metallica played a good chunk of songs each night on their own and then it was 'special guest time'. One lucky clubber (saturday it was a newly married couple) got picked to come up and jam with the band. was quite cool. There were always rumors, predictions, and that one guy who 'knows for sure!' whos going to be there - but i tried not to hear/read anything. I wanted to be surprised like a kid on christmas morning... and i was. I did the predicting myself - to which i have to say did alright on... but was truly a lot of fun standing there among all the fans awaiting the announcement on who was joining them next - and how they were related to metallica's history.

special guests:

monday:apocalptica, jason newsted, biff byford (saxon), sean harris * brian tatler (diamond head)

wednesday: marianne faithful, ray haller, kid rock, john bush, lou reed, jason newsted, king diamond

friday: jerry cantrell, animal (anti-nowhere-league), gary rossington, pepper keenan, jim martin, jason newsted, glenn danzing, rob halford

saturday: bob rock, geezer butler, ozzy osbourne, jason newsted, hugh tanner, dave mustaine, lloyd grant, ave mustaine, ron mcgoveny

Friday night they gave a big shout out and thank you to the metclub staff. some of those cats have been around a long time and work their pah-toots off so it was awesome to see. Saturday they thanked some of their long-time crew members like Bean, Zach and Mick. nothing but devil horns, applauds and hollars from the crowd. credit where credit was due.

I cannot begin to tell you how amazing the week was and how lucky i feel to be a part of one night - let alone all four. If i had to pick a favourite night - i'm not sure i could. some had strengths and some had weaknesses - but overall - it just kicked total ass. I met some great people, heard and shared so many stories, learned a lot and flat out rocked til every muscle in my body ached. I've been a metclubber since '94 and have several times thought about not renewing because of financial issues or life goings-on - but when you look back on all that i've experienced through the club and the friends i've made and the places i've been - all in relation to the club, no way i'm not sending that couple of bucks in each July.

Ive attached links to photos of all 4 filmore shows and some of my time spent at HQ. They're bare bones - and even a mislabeling on a few (am-i-evil was never the closing song - always seek & destroy). blurry, washed out, cut off... but maybe you'll get a taste of how the week went. I've also attached the setlist (thank you metontour.com) for each night.

filmore shows

HQ

sometimes you purposely put on the clown suit and strut around, other times you know you have it on, but cant for the life of you figure out how the hell it happened.

as i look

walking across that old dirt floor

knowing not a soul tonight

through the chaos… in front of me

i heard only that one thing

the sound of your laugh… hit my heart

freeing it from fifteen years shut

as i look around the wall

one by one i watch them fall

broken hearts and many tears

of those who wanted you so near

a dance among two strangers

became more than we knew

as we shared our truths… and our dreams

even though we both had others

special were those the nights…upon the checkered tiles

spinning to the tunes of past

as i look around the hall

one by one i feel them fall

the tears upon my face

while you wed the one in lace

thinking that my chance was done

not a day went by i didn't ask why

dancing with another another… i did try

but with every step and every laugh

only did it cause… my soul to ache

for with you i wanted to be

as i look around the town

one by one she let you down

listen is all i could do

being there just for you

through it all we both stood tall

knowing our hearts beat still true

upon the back hill… that special night

i heard only that one thing

the sound of your voice... honest and true

forever to be me and you

as i looked in your eyes

thankful we gave it a try

for in the world of glistening snow

we shared for all those to know

long road we have traveled since then

journeys of a lifetime still to go

the sound of your laugh… still in my heart

wish to have you here with me

forever in your arms… so tight

thank you my friend, for being my light.

in tune.

a handful of stars in the sky

you're so far away and why

because tonight i cannot deny

feelings in my heart don't lie

back then with just a glance

followed by song and dance

time apart we did so mend

you became my best friend

wounds and scars we both wear

inside and out - how they do tear

having someone there to share

understanding like this so rare

ive never met one like you

alluring and strong - this is true

hard to believe we've not met

to enjoy many a sunset

fading off to sleep tonight

dreams it will all be right

because for us i will fight

it is you that gives me such might

your voice still on my mind

that laugh - one of a kind

time together it just flies

darkness - i close my eyes

end 'o year.

a week off work to wrap up a long looong year.

congratulations on making it.

thoughts coming soon....

The Animal Odd Couple

In this latest installment of CBS News Assignment America, Steve Hartman visits an animal sanctuary where a dog and an elephant have formed a very lasting, and unusual, friendship

cherish your friends, no matter the differences.

much love.

-k.

time stands still.

just wanted to post a few tunes that no matter where i am, or what im doing when i hear them, time stands still. puts me in a place thats calm, safe and full of laugher if only for a minute. xx

(and yes rock the planet, i know i just lost my lifetime metal membership)

faith of the heart - russell watson

walking in memphis - marc cohn

just to see you smile - tim mcgraw

the wonder of you - elvis presley

i'll stand by you - the pretenders

just one

one game changes everything.

heard frequently throughout world cup. its really so true for the game of life - where each moment, each opportunity, is part of the game. one right decision, you're flying high. one not-so-right decision and you're in a canyon. the fun ones are the surprise decisions -- the unsure -- the new and different. you've also got those i-know-better-than-this decisions... but you look over each shoulder and jump anyway.

what do you do when you've jumped with a 50/50 chance of favorable outcome and your parachute doesn't work? the whole way down - images and audio playing in your head - but scrambled - so they dont so much go together. you're falling rapidly and yet, so slowly. the anticipation of meeting the ground overwhelms you to the point that you cant even shut your eyes and hang on... you're there - deer in a headlights stare - waiting.

you know not what to do. they say life is yours to live, but is that really the case? those same people tell you life isn't fair. theres those things you want so much out of life that your soul aches for them and those that with all your being you hope you never experience in your life.

while sitting, staring - waiting - aching and experiencing, it occurs to you how insignificant the fact that your parachute didn't open is because there is someone else, someone close to you - or the stranger you rode the elevator with today, who has less that a 50/50 chance of a favorable outcome in their game of life.

so your soul aches and you've got a large bag that you never wanted sitting by your feet. you made the i-know-better-than-this decision and it changed the game. it changed everything. you have to look at what you have. you have your soul, a bag - large one at that, and feet. you're already doing better than someone you had contact with today.

breathe. loosen grip. blink. hang on for the ride cos its about to get crazy.

songs along the way...

everyone has those songs... the songs that remind you of a certain time, place, person and even opened up new world of music to you. here are a few of those songs for me. if the links dont work for you for whatever reason, take a looksy somehow.

-k.

morricone - ecstasy of gold
from the first time i saw cool laid back blonde to the opening of my seventieth metallica show this song has taken me so many places. every time i hear it the heart rate rises, memories rush, adrenaline kicks in...
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neil diamond - i am i said
i grew up dancing around the family room with my mom spinning vinyl that rung out from speakers that were taller than me. every genre you could think of. neil was a staple in our house and as i got older, this song always stood out to me. no matter what i wanted - once i got it... i was was always looking for something else to else.

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kenny rogers - makin' music for money
what a classic album. like neil, we about wore this album out. two songs were dropped on many times over - the hoodooin' of miss fanny dooberry and makin' music for money. i would stand on the ottoman and pretend i was on stage - ponytails a flyin' around.
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metallica - disposable heros
knees on the seat in front of me, headphones in, slouched down, yella fella heading east towards olio i would listen to master of puppets again and again and again. there was something about this song... im not sure if it was the rebellious teen i tried to be, where i saw myself amongst others or my outlook on the world... but as i get older, my feelings for this song are still strong.
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bobby freeman - do you want to dance
homemade saddle shoes, a felt poodle pinned on a skirt and really really bad hair... a school fifties dance. captivated as i stood gigging with friends on the dark half of the gym. as much as i loved this song, you would think i -at some point - would have learned to dance.
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mike post - the renegade
im a theme song junkie and a child of the eighties... i can't remember a time when mike post didnt have a theme or music on teevee. from rockford files a-team to magnum to hill street blues and then there was renegade. as much cheese as it was there was something about the bike, the outlaw, the hair, the mystique...
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larry williams - bony maronie
layin on my sisters shag carpet listening to her portable tape player... we're not talkin' boom box.. we're taking bottom of the line black, flat, simple in/out cassette player. she had some compilation tape that had this song on it. we would sing and laugh and repeat. it opened me up to a new sound, an new era - and i couldn't get enough.
">

bob seger - like a rock
i know its a commercial song now... but back then ... late eighties... i didnt care. every summer, for a week, the family and some friends would spend as much time as we could on kentucky lake. many beers in im sure combined with the sun, and the driver of the boat would turn up like a rock as we were all takin' a swim. not a care in the world at that point. i can still see the slight dance moves in my head. amazing how just a few notes can take you back to a simpler time.
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the truth.

its a funny thing - truth.

theres levels of it and ways to side step and twist it.

have enough respect to be honest about it all.
the pain of the truth is far less than compounded lies.

-k.

the journey.

sometimes theres a curve ball in life. things we didnt see coming. things that weren't planned. but they happen. i've always thought that if you try hard enough to forget them or even think you've done well trying to fight them.. some things just dont go away. they just dont.

thats where your friends come into play. hopefully they're real about it. they flat out say deal with it - and move on. usually you're not comin' out of it without some battle scars. sometimes tomorrow scares the hell out of you. your rocks will see your weakness, your fears and your tears - but hopefully one day after the scars and the darkness you realize that life is worth living - its worth fighting for - and you stand strong and tall with those who love you enough to have pushed you through the ugly.

don't let the world and its curves control you. dont be be rolled by the unknown. control your own. drawn strengths from those around you. take the journey. dont just survive - be victorious.

-k.

earcanal

so, im in a rut with music right now and welcome any suggestions of new stuff or old stuff that deserves a new listen. life is pushing extremes from nelson ta polly right now and would love some new tunes. so whatchya got?

with four days off - in a row, gave me a lot of time to think. was awesome. but with thinking comes a whole 'nother wave of everything. many things in a different perspective. its good. much thanks to everyone in my life - you guys are amazing.

is been damn near a month and the cup is winding down. sad really. ive worked some crazy hours, seen some crazy calls, made some crazy friends and we're down to four teams - two games. man-o-man. it was nice to see more people curious, interested... not sure what the word is really.

oh! my hours have switched, so if you're looking for me - look earlier b/c im sleepin' much earlier these days.

time is a crazy thing. what happens in a split second, a day, two weeks, a year... its not about the time. its about what happens in that segment that really matters.

-k.

all in

im in love with a sound.
a carefree laugh that comes alive
that makes a bad day better,
a good day the top of the world
it plays in my head every day
it fills my dreams at night.

i'm in love with a strength.
a strength to none ive ever known
one to let in, to trust, to stand.
it pulls me up when i have fallen
makes me face whats gone past
and makes me tall for tomorrow

I'm in love with a heart.
a heart as big as the heavens
one torn in pain, and beats in joy
the world it should have in return
mine it will have forever
beating strong as song

im in love with a voice.
a voice ive never met
yet is more real than anything
words that challenge, words that sing
ones that weigh heavy on the past
and and are unsure of the future

im in love with a you.
a you that has brought me magic
a you that carries the world
a you that told me it was okay
a you that deserves the most
a you that i smile at in thanks



---

for a friend.
-k.lang.

you and what army....

this clip is long... but watch the whole thing. its unbelievable.

. . .

so... im long overdue for a bloggity blog. 

lots gone on, but yet, the blog sits – untouched.

i'll see if i can do a re-cap soon of some of the highlights. 

until then...

be great and create.

-k.

movies galore

i've been watching a lot of movies lately and there have been quite a few great ones. (trailers posted below)

finally got to see Saw V. i was pretty disappointed really. four was okay, and five just seemed like filler to me. it might mean the next one is going to be great b/c you have all this background, but . . . eh.

maid of honor.  yes, i know - totally chick flick, but it was good.  kinda sent me into a whole whirlwind, but was still cute.

lets see, after that was bucket list.  good movie.  great concept, and to actors i love... but they didnt seem to mesh to me in the movie.  maybe they weren't supposed to. i dunno.    but definitely worth the rent.  everyone has that list... dont wait until you're out of time to scratch things off.

i believe the next flick was shutter.  I wanted to see this in theaters, but never made it.  i wasn't in love with it.  great concept, and i loved the cast.... just was missing something.  if you can get it at redbox, cool - but not worth much more than the buck-a-roo.

next up was midnight movie.  i got a facebook message from ball state alum that they were having a premier for midnight movie and i booked my seat right away. its a bigfoot entertainment film, which is where my cousin fills a ceo chair.  had to check it out.  after seeing saw and being let down, this was great!  proud of ya kacy.  screenings in theaters soon...  its a great B horror flick that has great music in it. 

tonight i redboxed the strangers.  ive seen a lot of movies that are weird and whatnot... but this one freaked me out more than i think any movie has in decades.  the score was great.  acting was pretty believable.  freaked me the frick right out.  im good now... but its one of those movies you wont ever forget and it'll wake you up in the middle of the night.  love it.

saw v

maid of honor

bucket list

shutter

midnight movie

the strangers

Saw V... kind of.

one of the ads that i build each week is for great escape theaters. i received an email this morning wanting to ad a Saw V time to their listing for thursday night (early viewing) at ten o'clock. though it was too late to get it in their ad, i however was excited to see it!! let me just say i dread going to the theater. i used to kick and scream as a kid when we went – it makes me sick. HOWEVER... i can't wait to see this film.

tonight i buggied over the the theater, bought my ticket and chilled in the car for a bit. watched the high schoolers tailgait. amusement to say the least. i find a seat in the theater. watch the filler and previews and wha-lah... MOVIE! sweet. about fifteen minutes in, theres switch reel signal and then something is going on upside down and backwards. that rolls for about 5 minutes and they stop the film. [we sit.] up and running again (though we missed something cos it didnt make sense) for about ten minutes and there was literally a burn mark and then the film started melting. [we sit.] [we sit.] [we sit.] then they tell us they can't restart it and its time for us to go home. they did give our 8.75$ back.



STILL no clue how it ends :)

stay tuned... i WILL see it by the end of the weekend! lemme know if you wanna go with.

rebel run weekend - part 1

- friday -

BEAUTIFUL day. headed out to fairmont to catch the early in-flow of rides at the james dean run. more than i expected for early on a friday. caught some photos. trying to get a few for lounge. met some interesting characters, whom had rides with much more character. i'm still not able to pick out exact years, and its bugging the bajeebs outta me. (note to self.) after day one – this is what i have to say

(1) mercs are hit or miss... more on the miss.
(2) fords had a sexy quality about tham that is so not there anymore
(3) a truck done right is stunning
(4) flat finish adds character
(5) be smart about your stripes
(6) 55 chevy is still one of my favorites
(7) converts still dont do much for me
(8) historic is cool, custom is captivating
(9) don't effin' touch the car doof
(10) i caught slim to none useable photos today

on another note - hope to catch voodoo kings tomorrow in gas city.

its going to beautiful this weekend. hop on I69 and check out the show.